Dan and Em’s Blog

There is no way I could have known what it would be like to bring you into the world, and into my life.  In just one moment, everything about me changed.  My priorities shifted.  You became the center of my universe.

I look at you and I can’t believe the love that I feel for you.  I love you completely, and without any conditions or requirements.  I will love you every day for the rest of my life.  You don’t have to do anything, be any kind of particular person, or accomplish anything for me to love you or to be proud of you.  Unconditional love is something that I now understand, because I have it for you.  You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  I love you more than I knew I could love (and I’m pretty good at loving!).  You are perfect, exactly as you are.

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Well, I have one week left.  Or less.  My labor will be induced next Friday, July 18, if baby hasn’t come before then.

Because of the gestational diabetes, I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to go beyond my due date.  But my due date is July 23.  They couldn’t schedule me anytime the week of July 21, so July 18 it is!  The absolute latest this baby could come is July 19 (if they induce the labor on the 18th, but it takes until the 19th for the baby to be born.  That’s it.  Wow!

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I’ve written about a lot of different aspects of my pregnancy, but I haven’t talked a lot about this yet:  I am so excited about the imminent arrival of my son.  Of course, I still don’t feel ready — I’m not sure it’s possible to feel completely ready — but I think we’re now prepared enough that we can start to get really excited.  We have a lot of the laundry done, the bassinet is almost ready, the car seat base has been installed.  Those are a lot of the big things.  Now I feel like we can focus on his arrival.

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I’ve now made it to the 36 week mark in my pregnancy.  No doubt about it — I have a month (or less) to go.  I’ve been dealing with gestational diabetes since the beginning of May, and so far, it’s really not that bad.  Now, I’m not saying that’s the same experience everyone is going to have.  I know that different people have different levels of insulin resistance in pregnancy, and some have a much harder time than I have had managing their gestational diabetes through diet alone.  But at least for some (including me) it’s really not that bad.

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I see a lot of people who are interested in purchasing a Chincoteague Pony from the Pony Penning and auction, but they really aren’t sure about what’s involved in buying one.  I’d like to answer some of those questions — here, I want to address the Pony Penning purchases specifically.  As far as purchasing a pony from a breeder (either a young one, or an adult) it’s a far different scenario, so I’ll address that separately at another time.  When is the Pony Penning?  Are the ponies really wild?  Can I buy an adult pony, or just a baby?  How much do they cost?  How hard are they to train?

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Starting in the summer of 2009, I am going to be starting a new business venture.  I am going to be offering my services to people wishing to purchase a Chincoteague Pony.  I was recently thinking about things I could offer that other people can’t.  Looking at Cricket, and realizing what a special and amazing pony she is, I think I really have something to offer in this venue.  Buying a Chincoteague Pony can be daunting.  Especially for the novice horse person, the experience of attending the auction, selecting a pony and getting it home can be overwhelming.  That’s where I can help.

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This past weekend, I attended my 10 year college reunion at Sweet Briar College.  I had a fantastic time!  It was such a great opportunity to see some old friends and to relax.  I also got to spend some much needed time with my husband in a beautiful setting.  It doesn’t get a lot better than that.  Sweet Briar’s campus is amazing.  I was so lucky to have been able to spend 4 years of my life in such a lovely place, and I was glad to go back.  It is more serene, bucolic and peaceful than almost any place I’ve ever been.  I didn’t fully appreciate how centering the campus is while I was there, but going back gives me a new perspective.

I remember distinctly my first visit to Sweet Briar when I was a high school junior (in 1992).  The campus won me over immediately.  It was like no place I had ever been.  I had visited Ivy League schools and colleges of the Seven Sisters, but Sweet Briar beat them all.  I was instantly attracted to the idea of spending 4 years there, but I thought it would be silly to choose a college based on setting alone.  But then the people that I met there really sealed the deal for me.  When I was in school, I made some of the best friends of my entire life at this beautiful place, and it was so great to go back to the place and the people.

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In my defense, it wasn’t the kind of test I could have studied for.  I’m usually very good at taking tests.  But, as it turns out, I wasn’t so good with the gestational glucose test.  My results weren’t terrible — 2 of the 4 test results were too high.  So, I was referred to an endocrinologist.  I went to see him and I was given a diet to follow and a blood testing meter, like a real diabetic person.  I have to stick my finger and check my blood with a glucose meter.  Although I still wince every time I push the trigger to make the needle stick my finger, I have to say, it’s not nearly as bad as I feared.  It’s not a big deal.  The conclusion I’ve come to is this: if someone had told me prior to pregnancy that this was going to happen to me, I would have gotten pregnant anyway.  It would not have even made me consider making another decision.  In the scale of what I’m experiencing, it’s nearly irrelevant.  It’s one of the smaller sacrifices I will make for my child.  Of course, it would have been better if I had passed my test.

I’ve been testing my blood sugar 4 times a day.  For each time I’m supposed to test my blood sugar, I have a goal.  The vast majority of the time, my results seem to be ok, except sometimes first thing in the morning, and when I eat stuff I know I shouldn’t really be eating.

So far, I’ve determined I can’t eat Belgian waffles with cherries and whipped cream.  Shocking.

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Being female comes easily.  On day 14 of conception (don’t get me started on that math) egg meets sperm.  If the sperm carries an “X” chromosome, a female human being develops.  As life goes on, hormones and socialization intervene, and this female human transitions from baby to child to teenager to adult.  To truly be a woman, with all the magic, mystery and power that title includes, takes more.  And it isn’t easy.

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Today is, kind of, my first mother’s day.  I’m definitely someone’s mother, but he hasn’t been born yet.  So, it kind of counts.

The experience of being pregnant has given me a whole new appreciation for my own mother, and for all mothers (but mine in particular).  Being pregnant is hard work.  Physically, it’s very difficult.  Emotionally, it’s a wild ride, too.  Giving birth is going to be even harder, both physically and emotionally.  But really, that’s very small in comparison to everything else it means to be a mother.  It means truly committing to put yourself aside for someone else — forever.  I’m not trying to say that I’m going to give my life up completely when my baby is born.  I’m still going to be who I am.  I’m still going to pursue my dreams, follow my passions.  But there’s no doubt that the priorities have changed, in a very fundamental way.

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