Dan and Em’s Blog

I had a lot of mixed feelings coming up to my induction.  I was very excited about the impending birth of my son, but I was a little bit disappointed to have missed out on the experience of going into labor on my own.  Leading up to the night I was to go to the hospital (July 17) I kept hoping I’d go into labor spontaneously, but it didn’t happen.  There was, of course, a lot of anticipation and excitement anyway.  I was honestly a little relieved at not having to worry about my water breaking in public, or going into labor and not being able to reach anyone, or having my baby on the side of the Dulles Toll Road in rush hour traffic.  Once I accepted that I wasn’t going to go into labor on my own, I started to hope that once the induction had been started, the Cervadil alone would be enough to start my contractions, so that I would at least have some of the experience of going into labor spontaneously.

We went to the hospital around 8:30 Thursday evening.  We were shown to our room — lucky number 13.  I’m not a superstitious person, but it actually occurred to me to ask for a different room.  It seems to me that maybe they should skip room 13 on the labor & delivery floor, kind of like skipping floor 13 in hotels.  I decided I was being silly, though, and joked a bit about being in room 13 coupled with the full moon!  I sat around for quite a while, waiting while Dan went and checked us in officially.  Eventually, the nurse came in, hooked me up to a bunch of monitors and got the induction officially underway by inserting the Cervadil, at around 9:00.  (That part wasn’t very exciting, though, because nothing really happens at that point — it’s a bit anticlimactic.)  The nurse took a medical history that took FOREVER.  It wasn’t that big of a deal for me (just kind of boring) but I can imagine it’s not a lot of fun to go through that for someone who already is in active labor.  When the nurse checked me, I was the same 1 cm dilated I had been at the doctor’s office the week before.  I was disappointed — I had been hoping that I would be one of those fortunate people who show up at the hospital halfway to having a baby without even knowing it.  No such luck!

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There is no way I could have known what it would be like to bring you into the world, and into my life.  In just one moment, everything about me changed.  My priorities shifted.  You became the center of my universe.

I look at you and I can’t believe the love that I feel for you.  I love you completely, and without any conditions or requirements.  I will love you every day for the rest of my life.  You don’t have to do anything, be any kind of particular person, or accomplish anything for me to love you or to be proud of you.  Unconditional love is something that I now understand, because I have it for you.  You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  I love you more than I knew I could love (and I’m pretty good at loving!).  You are perfect, exactly as you are.

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Well, I have one week left.  Or less.  My labor will be induced next Friday, July 18, if baby hasn’t come before then.

Because of the gestational diabetes, I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to go beyond my due date.  But my due date is July 23.  They couldn’t schedule me anytime the week of July 21, so July 18 it is!  The absolute latest this baby could come is July 19 (if they induce the labor on the 18th, but it takes until the 19th for the baby to be born.  That’s it.  Wow!

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I’ve written about a lot of different aspects of my pregnancy, but I haven’t talked a lot about this yet:  I am so excited about the imminent arrival of my son.  Of course, I still don’t feel ready — I’m not sure it’s possible to feel completely ready — but I think we’re now prepared enough that we can start to get really excited.  We have a lot of the laundry done, the bassinet is almost ready, the car seat base has been installed.  Those are a lot of the big things.  Now I feel like we can focus on his arrival.

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I’ve now made it to the 36 week mark in my pregnancy.  No doubt about it — I have a month (or less) to go.  I’ve been dealing with gestational diabetes since the beginning of May, and so far, it’s really not that bad.  Now, I’m not saying that’s the same experience everyone is going to have.  I know that different people have different levels of insulin resistance in pregnancy, and some have a much harder time than I have had managing their gestational diabetes through diet alone.  But at least for some (including me) it’s really not that bad.

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This morning I had a spiritual awakening.  I’ve been working very hard on my personal development over the last couple of years and it’s been intensifying recently.  I now think it’s because I’ve been working towards the experience I had this morning, and I don’t think it’s a surprise that it’s coming now, when it’s at most 7 weeks before my son, my first child, is born.  I haven’t reached total spiritual enlightenment or anything, and I’m certainly not done working on myself, but I do think I’ve reached a new awareness that will help me to be enjoy life and to teach my son to do the same.

But why stop at my son?  If you’re interested, read on! (more…)

This past weekend, I attended my 10 year college reunion at Sweet Briar College.  I had a fantastic time!  It was such a great opportunity to see some old friends and to relax.  I also got to spend some much needed time with my husband in a beautiful setting.  It doesn’t get a lot better than that.  Sweet Briar’s campus is amazing.  I was so lucky to have been able to spend 4 years of my life in such a lovely place, and I was glad to go back.  It is more serene, bucolic and peaceful than almost any place I’ve ever been.  I didn’t fully appreciate how centering the campus is while I was there, but going back gives me a new perspective.

I remember distinctly my first visit to Sweet Briar when I was a high school junior (in 1992).  The campus won me over immediately.  It was like no place I had ever been.  I had visited Ivy League schools and colleges of the Seven Sisters, but Sweet Briar beat them all.  I was instantly attracted to the idea of spending 4 years there, but I thought it would be silly to choose a college based on setting alone.  But then the people that I met there really sealed the deal for me.  When I was in school, I made some of the best friends of my entire life at this beautiful place, and it was so great to go back to the place and the people.

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In my defense, it wasn’t the kind of test I could have studied for.  I’m usually very good at taking tests.  But, as it turns out, I wasn’t so good with the gestational glucose test.  My results weren’t terrible — 2 of the 4 test results were too high.  So, I was referred to an endocrinologist.  I went to see him and I was given a diet to follow and a blood testing meter, like a real diabetic person.  I have to stick my finger and check my blood with a glucose meter.  Although I still wince every time I push the trigger to make the needle stick my finger, I have to say, it’s not nearly as bad as I feared.  It’s not a big deal.  The conclusion I’ve come to is this: if someone had told me prior to pregnancy that this was going to happen to me, I would have gotten pregnant anyway.  It would not have even made me consider making another decision.  In the scale of what I’m experiencing, it’s nearly irrelevant.  It’s one of the smaller sacrifices I will make for my child.  Of course, it would have been better if I had passed my test.

I’ve been testing my blood sugar 4 times a day.  For each time I’m supposed to test my blood sugar, I have a goal.  The vast majority of the time, my results seem to be ok, except sometimes first thing in the morning, and when I eat stuff I know I shouldn’t really be eating.

So far, I’ve determined I can’t eat Belgian waffles with cherries and whipped cream.  Shocking.

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Today is, kind of, my first mother’s day.  I’m definitely someone’s mother, but he hasn’t been born yet.  So, it kind of counts.

The experience of being pregnant has given me a whole new appreciation for my own mother, and for all mothers (but mine in particular).  Being pregnant is hard work.  Physically, it’s very difficult.  Emotionally, it’s a wild ride, too.  Giving birth is going to be even harder, both physically and emotionally.  But really, that’s very small in comparison to everything else it means to be a mother.  It means truly committing to put yourself aside for someone else — forever.  I’m not trying to say that I’m going to give my life up completely when my baby is born.  I’m still going to be who I am.  I’m still going to pursue my dreams, follow my passions.  But there’s no doubt that the priorities have changed, in a very fundamental way.

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It’s like Klennex.  Who knew?

Registering for baby stuff is quite an experience.  I have never in my life had to shop for so many things about which I know so little.  The only thing I can remotely compare it to is when I went shopping for what I would need to go to college.  And at least the school provided a suggested list (which I based most of my decisions on).  Also, everything I was going to take to college had to fit in one car with myself and my family, so there was a finite limit on space.  Everything we need for the baby just needs to fit in our house.  And some people will just suggest we get a bigger house.

There are so many possibilities and options in terms of baby items.  Everyone you talk to has a different suggested list on what you should purchase for your baby.  Each list varies greatly in size, suggestions and cost.  Some lists swear by certain brands, which may be taboo on other lists.  If you look at a suggested list from a baby store, you’ll get really scared.  There are certain things you know you need to have.  Like a car seat.  And a crib, cradle or other place for baby to sleep (unless you’re planning on co-sleeping, and I’m not getting into that).  And maybe a stroller.  Beyond that, almost everything else is less clear.

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