Oh, I am tired. What a day. It was a day full of very nice things, but I am worn out, and I have given of myself to a fault . . . which is not new, but the grace with which I did it definitely is.
The first part of my day was normal: feed kids, change diapers, try to make naps happen, play games, clean up, help make more messes, overfill the washing machine, clean the soapy water off the floor, keep the dog from eating B’s snack. Normal Thursday.
We have air conditioning. Dan went out and bought a one-room air conditioner with a big tube that vents to the outside. It’s awesome. Before it arrived, it got up to 91 degrees inside my house today. It’s now down to an amazingly comfortable 84 — it’s 88 outside, at 11 pm, as a comparison. (And to think, I used to feel so hot when I would visit my in-laws in Florida and they would set the thermostat to 78!)
There was record breaking heat in Vienna today. The boys and I made plans to meet a friend and her son (Benjamin’s age) to go swimming and try and beat the heat. Just getting all of our stuff together and getting out the door took just about all of the energy I had allocated for today. Then we took the wrong bus, had to walk a long way in the sun and the heat, and then, of course, when we got there, Benjamin wanted absolutely nothing to do with the water. Sigh. So, we stayed about 20 minutes and went back to my friend’s house (with air conditioning!) so the boys could hang out and play. By the time we got home, I had a coating of salt on my face from sweating. (Ick.)
We had a very nice (if very hot) day. The heat doesn’t last here the same way it does at home, though — less than 10 days ago, we had a high temperature in the 50s, and by tomorrow night, it will get down to almost 60, so I think we’ll be able to give our new a/c unit the night off.
I know, I complain a lot: it’s hard work being here, I can’t communicate with anyone, it took forever for us to get our stuff, I hardly ever get a break and it’s really hot. All of that is true, but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t having a good time here. Generally, things are going well, and we are having an amazing experience. Most days, I’m really confident that we made the right decision, and I spend most of my time truly enjoying Vienna and my kids. Right now, though, I’m exhausted, and that’s making it hard to think about anything other than that.
When we first moved here, we found ourselves paralyzed when it came to language — the prospect of trying to communicate at all when we knew so little prevented us from even trying most of the time. Shortly after arriving here, I had an experience of being so traumatized when it came to communication that I even had trouble speaking English to another native speaker. One of Dan’s friends described the experience as “a language traffic jam in your head”. That’s exactly what it’s like — the brain processes dealing with language become so overloaded that even simple communication becomes difficult, slow and stressful.
Having house guests can be stressful. It isn’t anyone’s fault — it’s just that adding on to an already busy “to do” list, while disrupting the rhythm and schedule of life, can cause chaos. We’ve just had 10 days of house guests. Our schedule was a disaster, the boundaries and rules with the kids were bent all over the place, we all shared a bathroom, we gave up our bedroom and slept in the living room, we stayed up too late every night. I’m really glad they came to see us, but we are all exhausted now.
I’ve wanted to go to a Heurigen since before we got here, and today we went. They are Viennese wine taverns, which were, historically, run by vineyards to sell their new wine. Now, they seem to have evolved as restaurants that sell “microbrew” wines, locally cultivated (many even within Vienna itself). We first learned about it while watching the Rick Steves episode on Vienna (which we watched several times as our “homework” before moving here) and it seemed like it would be a very Viennese experience, so I’ve wanted to go ever since.
After being here 3 months, Dan & I had our first opportunity to go out, just the two of us, last night. We put the kids in bed, left Dan’s parents in charge and went out on our own.
We went to a cafe near our place, sat, and had a snack. We were only out for an hour, but it was really nice to have a break . . . together.
Life is intense right now, and there has been very little time for anything beyond the bare essentials. Everyone gets fed and cleaned every day — everything else is a bonus. We’re just starting to get organized and relaxed enough for me to take a little (much needed) time for myself every week — time as a couple just hasn’t been in the cards (exacerbated by the fact that we don’t yet have child care here).
As the leader of this parade of craziness, it’s easy to live a lot of my life in a space of organizer/facilitator/dictator with Dan as chief-co-executor of my very well laid plans. That’s great, and we definitely have developed some impressive skills in terms of making things work. But it is good, every so often, to take off my “CEO of the Calle family” hat and just be together. It’s important, at least, that we check in and make sure we still like each other.
So far, so good.
I am not cool. I am not smooth, slick, suave or together. I wish that I was: not like the “cool kids” in high school . . . more like James Bond-ette with a diaper bag. I want to smile at the right times, catch people’s meaning without them having to come right out and say it, always have what I need in my bag, be dressed for the occasion and do it all with a smile and without breaking a sweat. Instead, I’m more likely to accidentally offend someone by laughing at the wrong moment, misinterpret directions and walk through an alarmed fire door and be pooped on by a bird (possibly all in the same afternoon). I don’t know why this is, but it is.
A friend of mine once told me that I have music in my heart. He might be right: music affects me pretty profoundly. When I hear music that I connect with at all, I find it difficult to concentrate on other things — I think I’m one of the only people I know who has a hard time reading and listening to music at the same time. I know I’m not alone in this, but even a piece of a song that means something to me can take me back to a moment or a feeling in an instant.
It had been about a week since I’d had an hour “off”, so after I got the kids down for their naps today, and after Dan got home (he only worked a half day today to be able to spend extra time with his parents while they’re visiting) I grabbed my book and headed to Starbucks to have lunch all by myself. It’s a good thing for me to do — even just having a little time off from the moment-to-moment demands of being a mom does wonders for my resiliency. I got myself a sandwich and an iced tea, grabbed a seat at the very last outdoor table, and sat down to read.
A few minutes after I sat down, the threatening clouds gave way to a little drizzle and then a decent rain. I scooted my table over a bit to be better covered by the umbrella and continued on with my lunch and my book. Looking around a few minutes later, I realized that the packed outdoor seating area had been deserted by all but me and two others. After a few minutes, the wet and the cold started to bother me a little, and I decided that I really needed a warm cup of coffee. So, I grabbed my wallet, but arranged my book and bag to make it very obvious my seat was still taken — I wanted hot coffee, but not at the expense of my seat.